Courage

Though some hours and days feel long, the months and weeks continue to fly by. I can't believe that I am due with this little guy in six days! The reality and nervousness is setting in a little. Courage. I think I can...I think I can...

I'll admit, the majority of this pregnancy, I haven't been going much beyond the daily call of duty. My priorities are being a good wife and mother and keeping my sanity. Getting Maggie off to school and keeping the younger two out of trouble takes a lot of energy. We go to story times and play groups and parks to give us somewhere to focus besides on feeling sick and tired (at the beginning) and tired and sometimes achy (at the end). And I try to make sure that I am not letting anyone turn into a PBS kids zombie by providing at least some alternate activities and reading to or playing with them. As for housekeeping, I focus on the bathrooms, laundry, kitchen and making meals, but Mike has still picked up some major slack on dishes and lately even dinner sometimes. Not to mention, he is excellent with a steam mop. (Don't know what I would do without that man.) The rest gets cleaned slowly or seasonally when my deep-cleaning instinct can't handle it anymore. I try to make the daily pick-up happen, but even when we pick up a lot, it never seems done. Most of the time, when the kids go to sleep, instead of doing something productive, I just want to curl up next to Mike to talk or watch a show. Or just plain go to sleep myself.

My little over-achieving brain with all its good ideas and interests continues to realize that its body prefers a laid-back approach and is in energy-conservation mode. I am never very productive when I am expecting. Simply taking care of my home, my young family, and church responsibilities is quite enough. It's only an occasional miracle that gets a few pictures printed and into a frame that has been up for six months or finally forces me to take an hour and sew some curtains that I've had in mind for nearly a year.

I remember thinking before Emily came, "How am I going to do this? The kids take up all my energy as it is." But then, magically after she came, it was okay. I had this adrenaline rush that came from not being pregnant anymore and having this sweet newborn that I wanted to give as much love and attention as I had my first two. And babies are the perfect excuse to slow down and enjoy the moment and take naps. Personally, I feel the hardest part of the transition with each new child hits when the baby becomes mobile and is awake more and into things, closer to the six or eighth month mark. Housekeeping seems to fall apart, separation anxiety messes with baby's and my sleep, and my initial adrenaline is gone. (I also want to note that I love nursing, but it can wipe you out too. Luckily, I had a few week break between nursing and expecting this time around and finally stopped falling asleep during post-lunch read-alouds. I felt like a new woman. I knew pregnancy is exhausting, as is waking up in the night with baby, but it was good to know that nursing is also tiring, and someday I will have more energy again!)

So, on the days when kids have the stomach flu (two weeks ago) or my back is killing me as I wake up to Emily's night terrors (last week) or Braxton-Hicks contractions slow my meager nesting efforts but go nowhere (frequently), I try to remember all the blessings that are mine (especially the five major ones that live with me) and, if the past is any indication, life will feel a lot better soon. At least for a while. Especially since we've already had the stomach flu. ;)

I hope this post is not coming off as a list of complaints. I am just trying to be honest: Sometimes life is challenging. I believe we all at times wonder if we can handle what life hands us next, be it good or bad. This is permission to take it easy on yourself and not compare yourself to others. Or just compare yourself to me and you'll feel better, especially if you come over unannounced. ;)

I don't have baby stuff washed yet. (Tomorrow's goal!) I haven't made a baby boy blanket. I didn't get all my pictures printed and organized, the blog up-to-date, or organize the clutter I had planned to. This time around, I don't even have all my deep-cleaning done. And I feel like I've been several minutes late nearly everywhere the past couple weeks (that one's brought tears in the moment--it is just so hard to drag myself and everyone else out the door). For crying out loud, I don't even have my bag packed. (Also needs to happen tomorrow. I can have fast labors.)  I have only gotten into go mode in the last few weeks and am trying to make up for months of laziness. Yet, overall, I don't feel (too) worried about any of it. We all have different strengths. And I have done some things: well-child checks, made Kate's birthday special, Christmas cards. And slowly but surely the house is coming together and preparations are being made.

I have a little perspective that comes from having been in a similar position before and knowing there are times to push yourself and times to just keep plowing forward. There will be different challenges when baby comes, but there will be a welcome reprieve from certain present ones. Besides, at least I have plenty of outlets available for final countdown anxiety.

One last thing. Normally, I don't get too antsy to have the baby early, but soon after my due date, I get kind of depressed and start to wonder if it will ever happen. This time, those feelings are settling in a bit earlier because I have (ever dwindling) hopes of making it to my little sister's wedding in the Manhattan, NYC Temple on New Year's Eve. Though Maggie and Kate were late babies, Emily coming a week early gave me a bit of hope, to which I cling. It would be our family's first reunion in a long while, as my other sister will be home from her mission this week. I can't remember the last time we were all in one place. (Perhaps three years ago for my baby sister's baptism?) Anyway, it will all depend on when this baby comes and on my recovery. Hope and pray with me? And if it's not meant to be, I will just try to resign myself and enjoy the post-holiday slow-down and our first baby boy! I know I am very blessed.

Game-changer

 

We've known for two weeks now, so I thought it was high time we announce it to the world--these girls are going to have a baby brother!! I've definitely always hoped to have some of each sex in our little brood, but was almost too surprised to be excited when the ultrasound tech first told me. "How sure are you?" I asked. She reported confidently that the anatomy was pretty clear to be seen. So Mike and I are pulling boy names from the recesses of our minds, because it looks like this one is no Anna or Olivia. Like my mother, sister-in-law, and one of my dear friends, we will have three sweet girls followed by a little buddy. I am excited to finally start browsing for tiny khakis and sweater vests.

(And aren't these sweeties so obliging? Although the ultrasound was successful for its purposes, it did not produce any good images, so when I noticed the girls looked so cute in their summery outfits one day last week, I had them color in these letters while I was making dinner and snapped a few shots before we ate. I might as well have a little fun announcing our little guy. :) )

An Announcement

Well, we've done two under two and three under four--even while Mike worked full time, did graduate school, and even taught seminary for a while--and it hasn't been too bad at all. Good thing Mike still manages to be a caring and helpful husband and father while stretched thin. The way I figure, after that, four, five and under, should be a cake-walk, right?

Let's hope so, because it's too late now. ;)

I again didn't manage to avoid my telltale-first trimester-blogging-break, but now that (so-called) morning sickness has let up, I hope to do some catching up.

(I did finally get the post I wrote on Mike's graduation up on here. I wrote it as dated, but the pictures wouldn't upload correctly that day and I never got around to trying again until now.)

Princess and Popstar

Here's a video we debuted at Maggie's birthday party on Saturday.

My (Almost) Grad

Mike handed in his last graduate paper tonight at his last MPA class ever, so when grades are posted next week, unless somehow he managed to botch that last assignment majorly, we will be done with grad school! Since the last class was just an assignment drop, the girls and I joined Mike at the KU Edwards campus to look around, say goodbye, and eat some free barbeque (well, free if you don't count all the tuition we paid...). :)

j

We had our main celebrations at the MPA banquet last month. Mike won an award, so he got to give a little speech. And he got his hood, so he looked official.

Congrats to my (almost) grad! You are amazing, sweetheart!! :)

7/18 Update: Mike's diploma came by mail last week, so it's all official now. Woot-woot!

Happy Mother's Day!!

I was spoiled today, the whole weekend really. Mike made me a delicious breakfast yesterday, he and the girls continued the tradition they started last year of buying and potting me flowers, this morning I was awakened to a new skirt (and the girls even agreed to match me for church), and then tonight we had a delicious grilled steak dinner complete with steamed veggies and gourmet mashed potatoes, followed by a lovely walk in some nearby woods with friends. I barely lifted a finger these past two days.

Mike called his mom and I got to talk to mine via facetime for a few minutes (as well as my missionary sister--hurrah!). We will also get to see my family soon and are having Mike's parents over for dinner later this week, so more visiting with our wonderful families is in the horizon! :)

Anyway, I was thinking today about this video we made as newlyweds to wish our wonderful mothers a happy day. We are so lucky to have been brought up by such wonderful, faithful women. I love them both with all my heart and hope I can turn out to be as good as they are.

Thought some of you friends might enjoy seeing dorky us circa 2007.

This video is good proof we can't blame all our clutter on our cute kiddos and that I always forget that the camera records in landscape orientation. Also, the end got cute off, but it was just us wishing our moms a happy day. (And this is me promising that next time I upload a video, I will finally sign up on vimeo or youtube so that the quality won't be so horrendous.)

Nostalgic

My little ones keep me happily busy from morning to night, so though there is much to post about, there never seems to be time to manage pictures or put down in writing all that I want to say. Hopefully, I can find a little time for some blogging in the next few weeks. For now, I want to share a little project I made this winter. (Winter always brings out the list-making, project-wanting-to-do Sarah, though few of my projects get past conception.)

I had been dreaming of making this instagram-inspired collage all fall; it finally came into fruition a couple months ago. I loved putting together some of the happy moments from the past six years and was pleased I figured out how to put it together in Lightroom, since I don't have or have any idea how to use Photoshop.

I printed it out big (20x30) at Costco for under $10 and hung it over our bed in a cheap poster frame. (The frame sat over our bed empty for about three months to motivate me, but it didn't stand a chance during the holiday season.)

Now I feel nostalgic whenever I walk in my room. And kind of spoiled. It's been a fun six years.

engaged bliss//just married//walking down the temple steps//in front of the Springville Art Museum//at Timp Caves (Mike woke me up early a couple times to take me on surprise Saturday morning excursions early in our marriage)//Mike's graduation//Macy's Thanksgiving Parade (pregnant with Maggie)//first anniversary in Midvale//our first family picture with Mag//a date to temple square//Thanksgiving Point corn pit//at a Christmas Carol close to our second anniversary//finding our home//first official "family photos"//at my Grandmother's funeral (pregnant with Kate)//first family picture with Kate on her blessing day//me and Mike being silly with the self-timer//Ocean City//"family photos" with baby Kate//our bike date to get hot chocolate ("like middle schoolers")//Disneyland!//Fire Island (pregnant with Em)//at the Plaza in KC//first family picture with Emily//at the Bridgeton Zoo in NJ//self-timer shot on the front steps//"family photos" with baby Emily//still in love

I think I was getting the winter blues and must have needed some color in my life, though now am wondering if I would like it better toned down a little for a more faded look. Any opinions?