"Mom Will Rescue You!"

At first, life as a mother was easier in many ways than the previous hectic stage of school and teaching as a newlywed. I could nap when baby Maggie did. I actually found time for an occasional show; I could watch while nursing my baby, without guilt that I should be working on something. For once my schedule was completely my own. Well, that is my own as long as I met Maggie's needs. But she was a placid little baby. And new babies are so tote-able. I just did whatever I wanted with baby Maggie in tow. It was definitely an adjustment: I was now responsible for this adorable little person and I wanted to do everything right by her. I was a bit lonely, with fewer peers around. And it was a little harder to take a shower or exercise exactly when I wanted. But life was pretty peaceful.

After Kate was born, we had some stressful moments once in a while, when both babies needed something at the same time. But Kate was so adorable and such a fun, giggly, happy baby. Maggie loved being a big sister. Life was still pretty smooth.

I think it was around when Kate started to crawl that I started feeling like I would never be able to catch up. That feeling set it more and more as Emily came along. I can't keep up with all the memories I want to record for them. I can't keep the kitchen floor swept enough. I can't keep everything out of the children's reach or the books from being pulled off the shelves and scattered around. And I can't keep the laundry baskets empty.

Slowly, but surely, I went from playing house to being a real "mom." Mike is now impressed if I smell like perfume instead of spit-up. My main topics of conversation include children's eating, sleeping and toileting habits, telling cute anecdotes about my kids, and seeking and sharing cooking, cleaning, yard, and home-making tips. I spend the bulk of my time caring for little people's basic needs and trying to keep our home liveable. I now understand why people let their children wear tacky character t-shirts. (For some unknown reason, kids like these best.) I am often involved in preventing and settling disputes. (One of Kate's first sentences this winter was "Maggie push me.") And what I want most during the kids' nap time is a nap of my own.

One morning in December, while scrubbing crayon off the kitchen tile, I was thinking of things that are hard about being a mom. I wanted to play a game with my kids or color with them and instead I was scrubbing crayon and feeling grumpy. The next morning, a spilled bowl of cereal threatened to ruin my day.

But then I heard my sweet Maggie say to little Kate, "Don't worry, Kate! Mom will rescue you."

And I did. All my patience rushed back and I hurried over to the table and cleaned up my sweet little Kate and her soggy cereal mess.

I was reminded of an impression I had one day as I was putting my little Kate to bed. It was during one of our bedtime battles in the early days after the switch from crib to bed and I was exhausted. I felt bad that it was so hard to put her to sleep some days. I wondered how long it would be difficult and wondered what I was doing wrong that would set her up for sleep problems for life. Overcome with the feeling that I just couldn't be the perfect mom I wanted to be, I prayed for help. But in that moment, I was filled with a feeling of peace and love.

I knew and know that although I can't rescue my children from every mess, I can lead them to one who can. Even though I can't be the perfect mother to my sweet daughters, no matter how badly I want and try to be, I can lead them to one who is perfect: I am humbled and grateful to know that my Savior, Jesus Christ, can make up the difference for all my imperfections. He can help my children through the messes I cannot clean up and the challenges I cannot prevent.

I love this quote given in this wonderful talk by a church leader, Elder Jeffrey R. Holland of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles:

"One young mother wrote to me recently that she felt like the world expected her to teach her children reading, writing, interior design, Latin, calculus, and the Internet—all before the baby said something terribly ordinary, like “goo goo.” She worried because she felt she didn’t measure up or somehow wasn’t going to be able to be equal to the task, the mental investment, the spiritual and emotional exertion, the long-night, long-day, stretched-to-the-limit demands that sometimes are required in trying to be and wanting to be the mother God hopes she will be.

"But one thing, she said, keeps her going. I quote: 'Through the thick and the thin of this, and through the occasional tears of it all, I know deep down inside I am doing God’s work. I know that my motherhood is an eternal partnership with Him.'..."

This mother's thoughts capture many of my own. So much of my life is spent doing things that will be immediately undone or need to be redone. But, in spite of that, I want to somehow be a perfect wife and mother, an expert housekeeper, home decorator, chef, nurse, photographer, record keeper, lawn and pest control professional. I want to be in good shape spiritually, mentally and physically. And I want everyone in my sphere, including myself, to feel connected, happy and cared for. I know in my head I can't do it all. But that doesn't stop me from wishing I could.

On my down days, I am grateful for this encouragement from Elder Holland:

"May I say to mothers collectively, in the name of the Lord, you are magnificent. You are doing terrifically well...Rely on Him. Rely on Him heavily. Rely on Him forever. And 'press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope.'

"You are doing God’s work. You are doing it wonderfully well. He is blessing you and He will bless you, even—no, especially—when your days and your nights may be the most challenging. Like the woman who anonymously, meekly, perhaps even with hesitation and some embarrassment, fought her way through the crowd just to touch the hem of the Master’s garment, so Christ will say to the women who worry and wonder and sometimes weep over their responsibility as mothers, 'Daughter, be of good comfort; thy faith hath made thee whole.' And it will make your children whole as well."

One last inspiring quote, this one from Christian blogger Rachel Jankovic:

“[Growing] up in [our] culture, it is very hard to get a biblical perspective on motherhood. … Children rank way below college. Below world travel for sure. Below the ability to go out at night at your leisure. Below honing your body at the gym. Below any job you may have or hope to get.” 

She goes on: “Motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling. You do not collect children because you find them cuter than stamps. It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for.”

I am grateful for now. I am grateful to have time to be a mother. I am grateful for my three sweet girls. And I am grateful I have help and encouragement. From my amazing husband, Mike. From my own mother. From my terrific family and extended family. From my fabulous friends. From my church leaders. And most importantly, from my Father in Heaven and Savior, Jesus Christ, who can rescue not just my children, but me too. I am grateful.

And yes, I was spoiled on Sunday. (Except for the fact that I had to give a talk at church...) I didn't have to make a meal or do dishes (yay for whipped cream and berries on pancakes and salmon with squash!); I've been experimenting with the new portrait lens Mike surprised me with for a while now; and Mike and the girls have taken full responsibility for the planting and care service on the purple flowers they gave me (probably because of my black thumb).