Sleeping Babies

This post is dedicated to my friend Jamie. I loved the following comment she gave and hope she won't mind me posting it here: "I never really thought much about how I would raise kids, I just knew I wanted them. I am now thinking, I have no idea what my philosophy is!...I feel so inadequate at times! Like last night I tried putting her to bed like the book I read said to do. But after 15 minutes I was done, I couldn't handle the crying anymore and I rocked her to sleep."

This described my sentiments a year ago with Maggie perfectly. To be frank, I hate the way many baby books seem to tell mothers that if they don't make their babies learn to self-soothe (aka cry-it-out), they will have sleep problems for life. I do not believe this to be true and, at first, it made me feel guilty for NOT wanting to let my babies cry-it-out. (I tried it several times and it took too long and made me cry, so what's the point in both being miserable?) I knew that my own mother and mother-in-law often rocked their babies to sleep until they were at least two. Also, in my shallow research on the subject I have found other experts (Dr. Sears and others) who expound the opposite case, saying that babies feel neglected when you let them cry-it-out.

Probably both ends of the argument are a bit extreme. I am not trying to judge what other moms do, just as I would not want them to judge the way I do things. I have come to the conclusion that each mother needs to do what feels right to her. I think it's good to read books and ask others' opinions and learn all you can from others' experiences, but when it comes down to it, our Heavenly Father knows best and when we ask him in faith he will help us find the best methods for us...and that may vary from mother to mother, from baby to baby, and from one circumstance to another.

I will say that as we find those methods that are best for us and the little individuals we are raising, we don't feel guilty about them. We feel happy, confident, and can relax and enjoy being a parent more.

That said, Jamie asked me what I do with Maggie and Kate. I am no expert, but here are some things that have worked for me so far. And I will say, I think I've just been lucky to have good sleepers, so I probably don't know what I'm talking about. Those of you who are shaking their heads thinking, "just wait until she gets a kid like so-and-so who wakes every hour"...I may very well be calling you for help with my next one. =)

The first year (or so):
-nursing baby to sleep
-or putting baby in bed when tired but awake--mine usually make cute sounds and then conch out on their own

Like most mothers, I found that as I watched my babies I started to be able to read their cues for when they were tired. They have been a lot easier to put to sleep if I put them down before they got overtired.

Last resorts:
-stroking baby's face or head until she falls asleep
-singing baby to sleep
-rocking baby to sleep
-more nursing

I think that nursing on demand helped my babies sleep better. Some say that nursing on demand turns babies into snackers, but both my girls have not wanted to nurse too often once past the newborn stage and they started sleeping through the night early. I nurse as long as the baby wants (which is usually a good twenty to forty minutes) and nurse as much as the baby wants to in the evening (usually a few times). I think this helps her sleep more soundly. The nights where I only get in one or two feedings in the evening seem to be the nights when baby wakes up.

When baby does wake up, I am not a fan of nursing in bed. There have been nights I was so tired, I have nursed in bed and let the baby sleep there, but I have found that usually those nights I, the baby, and Mike all sleep poorly. I know that nursing in bed works great for some people, but I have decided that for the most part I prefer quality over quantity in the sleep department. Instead, I usually nurse on the couch or a comfy recliner and admire my baby, read my scriptures or the Ensign, or drift in and out of conciousness, depending on the night and my energy-level, until the baby is done. And I have enjoyed some special moments with my babies and read some great articles at 4 a.m. that I'm glad I did not miss.

The second year (this is as far as we've gotten):
-bedtime routine: drink (and sometimes snack), brush teeth, Primary song, scripture story, prayer
-extra cuddle time before bed: rocking, singing lullabies, etc before even trying to put her down (I got the feeling that because we weren't nursing anymore, she just needed some extra cuddle time. Sometimes, this is all it took and then she went down.)
-put her in bed and wave good-night

We have had a couple rough spots this year with Maggie not wanting to take naps or go to bed as easily. Here's what we did those times:
-Put her in her crib (Sometimes to lure her into her crib I would read her a story in her crib.)
-If she was still resisting and did not want to be left, I would pat her back or stroke her head or even hold her and hug her in her room for a few minutes while she settled down. I would sing songs to her as I reassured her. I would sometimes do this until she fell asleep. [Tip: I recommend putting a chair next to the crib if you want to reassure them by their bed. It really helped me get through those weeks when she needed me to sit by her and reassure her. I was six months pregnant and standing was getting old quick.]
-When I knew she felt comfortable in her bed, I would try and leave when she was calm but not yet asleep. Sometimes this would get her all riled up again. Sometimes she was fine with it.
-Later, I started putting on her Primary Songbook CD while patting her back until she was calm and then tried to leave.
-Sometimes I would sing and rock her to sleep if she was having a really hard time.
-Last resort, if she was just fussy but not really crying I would let her fuss for five minutes or so before I checked on her (I can take the fussing better than crying, when it's just a few scattered cries, but not really upset crying.) Usually, it didn't even come to this and if it did she was normally asleep after a few minutes.
-For naptime, I would do a shorter version of the above. There were several times she really had trouble going down and wouldn't take a nap. I was really worried she would give her nap up really early. But we just kept doing it and she LOVES her nap now.
-I noticed it was hardest to put her down to rest at other people's houses, so I just tried to be prepared to change her naptime, put her down early if she wouldn't nap, or sit down with her until she could fall asleep on days we were visiting.

These methods sound like they take a long time, but I tried crying-it-out like the books said a couple times and it seemed to take just as long and was much more painful for me. Maybe it just didn't work well for Maggie's temperament. The above usually only took a half-hour (often less, but a couple times more) and the sleep rebellions were never more than a few weeks. And it was worth it. Now Maggie loves both bed and naptime. We just do our bedtime routine, put on her Primary songs CD, and say goodnight.

I must say, those Primary CDs from Church Distribution were one of the best investments I ever made...and free shipping. She loves them (I think because sometimes it takes her a long time to fall asleep) and I love hearing her sing them as she falls asleep.

These things really worked for us and eased my peace of mind. I found myself looking forward to bedtime/cuddle time and am starting to miss it now that she doesn't need it as much. She is growing much too fast. Good thing I have Kate too.

I don't know if any of this will prove helpful, but I hope it will. If anyone else has any tips, ideas, experience, or comments, I'd love to hear it.